NEWSFLASH: Money - no longer the root of all evil?

After a series of gangland murders in the Hundred Acre Wood it turns out that honey is in fact the root of all evil after all.

Known on the street as 'Hunny', users will often turn to crime to fund their habit and find any excuse for regular snacks.

Notorious addict Pooh says, 'It's like being a zombie, I just bumble around trying to get more and more, it's got totally out of hand tiddely-pom'.

A family of rabbits, all innocent bystanders, were injured in the attack.

'It's just so depressing' said local donkey Eeyore, 'but I suppose it's inevitable'.

It is widely know that Tigger is the head of the 'hunny' cartel but police have been unable to catch him.

The shootings are thought to be part of an attempt to overthrow Tigger's supremacy by a small rival gang led by Piglet.

NEWSFLASH: Gaddafi mobilizes frozen elephants and finds love in the Alps.

It is believed that Colonel Gaddafi is to defrost and mobilize a frozen herd of elephants originally used by Hannibal during the Second Punic War.

These elephants are to be led against UN forces by former Newsround and Countryfile presenter John Craven.

Craven is regarded as one of the worlds leading experts in animal warfare and his wealth of knowledge regarding inter species combat is second to none.

Gaddafi first met Craven at a charity soiree organised by fellow animal expert Chris Packham.

The event - to raise money for Cumbrian farmers in financial distress caused by the 2001 foot and mouth crisis - took place in the French resort of Chamonix.

Gaddafi - reportedly a big fan of Countryfile - was delighted to meet Craven, who he described as 'a personal hero of mine'.

It is thought that the pair decided to spend the week together after the event ended.

Eyewitnesses say they seemed 'relaxed' and would 'laugh and joke' while dining together in some of the Alps most prestigious restaurants.

During this time - Craven first declared his interest and competence in animal warfare which Gaddafi described as 'refreshing' and 'music to my ears'.

Craven and Gaddafi stayed for 2 weeks - at the luxurious Hilton Hotel in Evian-les-Bains where staff say the couple could often be seen holding hands and occasionally kissing.

It is not known how Gaddafi got hold of the frozen elephants although it is thought that he has had them in his possession for some time.

Unfortunately Chris Packham was unavailable for comment.