After a series of gangland murders in the Hundred Acre Wood it turns out that honey is in fact the root of all evil after all.
Known on the street as 'Hunny', users will often turn to crime to fund their habit and find any excuse for regular snacks.
Notorious addict Pooh says, 'It's like being a zombie, I just bumble around trying to get more and more, it's got totally out of hand tiddely-pom'.
A family of rabbits, all innocent bystanders, were injured in the attack.
'It's just so depressing' said local donkey Eeyore, 'but I suppose it's inevitable'.
It is widely know that Tigger is the head of the 'hunny' cartel but police have been unable to catch him.
The shootings are thought to be part of an attempt to overthrow Tigger's supremacy by a small rival gang led by Piglet.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
NEWSFLASH: Gaddafi mobilizes frozen elephants and finds love in the Alps.
It is believed that Colonel Gaddafi is to defrost and mobilize a frozen herd of elephants originally used by Hannibal during the Second Punic War.
These elephants are to be led against UN forces by former Newsround and Countryfile presenter John Craven.
Craven is regarded as one of the worlds leading experts in animal warfare and his wealth of knowledge regarding inter species combat is second to none.
Gaddafi first met Craven at a charity soiree organised by fellow animal expert Chris Packham.
The event - to raise money for Cumbrian farmers in financial distress caused by the 2001 foot and mouth crisis - took place in the French resort of Chamonix.
Gaddafi - reportedly a big fan of Countryfile - was delighted to meet Craven, who he described as 'a personal hero of mine'.
It is thought that the pair decided to spend the week together after the event ended.
Eyewitnesses say they seemed 'relaxed' and would 'laugh and joke' while dining together in some of the Alps most prestigious restaurants.
During this time - Craven first declared his interest and competence in animal warfare which Gaddafi described as 'refreshing' and 'music to my ears'.
Craven and Gaddafi stayed for 2 weeks - at the luxurious Hilton Hotel in Evian-les-Bains where staff say the couple could often be seen holding hands and occasionally kissing.
It is not known how Gaddafi got hold of the frozen elephants although it is thought that he has had them in his possession for some time.
Unfortunately Chris Packham was unavailable for comment.
Friday, December 3, 2010
dwwae presents . . . 3 FACTS ABOUT: Snow.
Did you know?
1) There are more water molecules in one single snowflake than there are hairs on all the buffalo in the U.S.A .
2) The largest snowball ever made measured just under 95 metres in diameter. This snowball housed the 'Government Code and Cypher School' that was later moved to Bletchley Park (where most famously, the 'Enigma' code was broken during World War 2).
3) Snow was originally imported and used as a condiment in the Middle East.
1) There are more water molecules in one single snowflake than there are hairs on all the buffalo in the U.S.A .
2) The largest snowball ever made measured just under 95 metres in diameter. This snowball housed the 'Government Code and Cypher School' that was later moved to Bletchley Park (where most famously, the 'Enigma' code was broken during World War 2).
3) Snow was originally imported and used as a condiment in the Middle East.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
The Incredible story of The Great Bear Races - Furry, greasy and very drunk indeed.
[Duncan Longhutton from Winnipeg U.S.A. emailed dwwae to see if we knew anything about the greased bear races his grandfather had told him about from his childhood.]
Bears were often used for sport in the north west of America during the Depression. People struggling financially had to find their own entertainment and many saw opportunities for fun amongst the burgeoning bear population. Bears were often painted, wrestled and in some cases raced.
Families would head to the hills in large groups to hunt these fearsome creatures. Once cornered and captured, the bear was lashed to a pair of handmade willow-wood skis and then paraded around the town in the ritualistic 'Basting of the Bear' ceremony.
During this barbaric process, the bear was greased - usually with goose fat - to reduce drag, before being pushed down the steepest hill in the area alongside a 'rival' bear from a nearby town. The losing bear was usually released back into the forest. Sadly many of these bears died from exposure and their skin was often found to have become quite crispy.
The winning bear was usually carried by the townspeople back up the hill to sit at the head of the table during a feast often of meagre food but with huge amounts of illicit alcohol available. The people drank and danced long into the night, sometimes pouring drinks directly into the mouth of the winning bear and often partying until sunrise.
The tradition carried on until the late 1930's but the police records from the period show a marked increase in the number of incidents involving drunken bears. Most notably a brawl between a bear and a church pastor in Montana resulted in severe facial injuries to both parties and rather soured the mood. Soon after, the church could no longer condone the 'Basting of the Bear' ceremonies and thankfully the practice largely died out.
Bears were often used for sport in the north west of America during the Depression. People struggling financially had to find their own entertainment and many saw opportunities for fun amongst the burgeoning bear population. Bears were often painted, wrestled and in some cases raced.
Families would head to the hills in large groups to hunt these fearsome creatures. Once cornered and captured, the bear was lashed to a pair of handmade willow-wood skis and then paraded around the town in the ritualistic 'Basting of the Bear' ceremony.
During this barbaric process, the bear was greased - usually with goose fat - to reduce drag, before being pushed down the steepest hill in the area alongside a 'rival' bear from a nearby town. The losing bear was usually released back into the forest. Sadly many of these bears died from exposure and their skin was often found to have become quite crispy.
The winning bear was usually carried by the townspeople back up the hill to sit at the head of the table during a feast often of meagre food but with huge amounts of illicit alcohol available. The people drank and danced long into the night, sometimes pouring drinks directly into the mouth of the winning bear and often partying until sunrise.
The tradition carried on until the late 1930's but the police records from the period show a marked increase in the number of incidents involving drunken bears. Most notably a brawl between a bear and a church pastor in Montana resulted in severe facial injuries to both parties and rather soured the mood. Soon after, the church could no longer condone the 'Basting of the Bear' ceremonies and thankfully the practice largely died out.
Friday, November 12, 2010
dwwae presents . . . 3 FACTS ABOUT: Grapes.
Did you know?
As well as being used to make delicious wines, grapes are often used for less well known purposes!
The English writer, Vita Sackville-West often carried two grapes between her teeth and upper lip to give the impression of more defined cheekbones.
During World War I, grapes were often placed between the toes of the wounded to help alleviate trench foot.
The British formula 1 driver, Damon Hill is scared of grapes.
As well as being used to make delicious wines, grapes are often used for less well known purposes!
The English writer, Vita Sackville-West often carried two grapes between her teeth and upper lip to give the impression of more defined cheekbones.
During World War I, grapes were often placed between the toes of the wounded to help alleviate trench foot.
The British formula 1 driver, Damon Hill is scared of grapes.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
How long did it take to successfully invent the telephone?
Although the telephone was finally invented successfully by Alexander Graham Bell in 1876, it was not the first time that such a device had been attempted.
Most notably was in 1853, when Rev. Robert Binty experimented with a device which relied on a series of pipes containing tropical insects. Binty's theory was that tropical insects had a certain "can-do attitude" which was distinct from native European insects, and which made them better suited to powering his mechanism.
He attempted to train the insects to carry distinct pieces of information, or "conversation particles" as he labelled them. A conversation particle might consist of a word (such as "the", "by" or "spoon"), a noise (such as a cough or a sniff), or a catty aside (such as "Ha, typical!") The insects would memorise these particles and then advance in procession down a long pipe and "replay" them by way of buzzing their wings at the other end. Early tests of this proved only marginally successful. When Binty attempted to relay the sentence "Mary, you are invited to eat grouse Tuesday week with myself and Mrs Binty" it emerged at the other end as "Myself and the grouse will eat you bzzzzzzzz bzzzz". Suffice to say, Mary was deeply upset by this message, and also very confused as she had never previously had any contact with the Bintys.
Robert Binty died of malaria in 1857, and although his invention was largely ignored at the time, it was nevertheless resurrected many years later and now forms the basis of O2's mobile phone technology in many areas of Wales.
Most notably was in 1853, when Rev. Robert Binty experimented with a device which relied on a series of pipes containing tropical insects. Binty's theory was that tropical insects had a certain "can-do attitude" which was distinct from native European insects, and which made them better suited to powering his mechanism.
He attempted to train the insects to carry distinct pieces of information, or "conversation particles" as he labelled them. A conversation particle might consist of a word (such as "the", "by" or "spoon"), a noise (such as a cough or a sniff), or a catty aside (such as "Ha, typical!") The insects would memorise these particles and then advance in procession down a long pipe and "replay" them by way of buzzing their wings at the other end. Early tests of this proved only marginally successful. When Binty attempted to relay the sentence "Mary, you are invited to eat grouse Tuesday week with myself and Mrs Binty" it emerged at the other end as "Myself and the grouse will eat you bzzzzzzzz bzzzz". Suffice to say, Mary was deeply upset by this message, and also very confused as she had never previously had any contact with the Bintys.
Robert Binty died of malaria in 1857, and although his invention was largely ignored at the time, it was nevertheless resurrected many years later and now forms the basis of O2's mobile phone technology in many areas of Wales.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Have British athletes ever been used as spies?
[dwwae received this question from Lance Gladhawk, Minnesota, U.S.A.]
For many years there has been speculation that some members of the British Olympic team present at the 1980 summer Olympics in Moscow were also there to gather intelligence for the British government.
It is purported that the British sporting legend, Daley Thompson, had originally been highly trained by secret services to work alone as one of its key operatives under the codename: Typhoon Medals. A special tracksuit was designed for him with extra elastic around the knees enabling him to jump higher and further than any man had done before. Some say his moustache was grown in order to conceal a miniature radio device although we have no proof of this, it seems likely.
Thompson inadvertently broke the world decathlon record at the games which thrust him into the international limelight and thus rendered him useless as a covert operative - much to the annoyance of the British government who had spent a considerable portion of the defence budget on training him.
To add weight to this theory, a number of documents declassified in 2005 show inexplicably that members of the archery team were highly skilled in field communications, whilst the water polo team had been trained by members of the S.A.S in hand to hand combat.
Below: Rare photo allegedly of Daley Thompson AKA 'Typhoon Medals' in his special tracksuit, during a code-breaking training circa 1979.
For many years there has been speculation that some members of the British Olympic team present at the 1980 summer Olympics in Moscow were also there to gather intelligence for the British government.
It is purported that the British sporting legend, Daley Thompson, had originally been highly trained by secret services to work alone as one of its key operatives under the codename: Typhoon Medals. A special tracksuit was designed for him with extra elastic around the knees enabling him to jump higher and further than any man had done before. Some say his moustache was grown in order to conceal a miniature radio device although we have no proof of this, it seems likely.
Thompson inadvertently broke the world decathlon record at the games which thrust him into the international limelight and thus rendered him useless as a covert operative - much to the annoyance of the British government who had spent a considerable portion of the defence budget on training him.
To add weight to this theory, a number of documents declassified in 2005 show inexplicably that members of the archery team were highly skilled in field communications, whilst the water polo team had been trained by members of the S.A.S in hand to hand combat.
Below: Rare photo allegedly of Daley Thompson AKA 'Typhoon Medals' in his special tracksuit, during a code-breaking training circa 1979.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
What happens when a dog eats a frog?
Usually when a dog eats a frog, the frog is digested in the dogs stomach acid and absorbed like any other food would be.
However, there are exceptions - if a dog eats a a red tree frog it has be known for the frog to lodge permanently in the dogs oesophagus. This is relatively painless for the dog and the frog can live for many years simply surviving on scraps of food that pass it on the way to the dogs stomach.
In South America, many wild dogs develop a strange bark due to the amphibian lodged in their digestive tract. For many years tribes people believed that these dogs had been possessed by an evil spirit and widespread fear of these croaking dogs was commonplace.
Occasionally a frog will grow sufficiently large as to restrict a dogs airway, this tragic occurrence usually results in a depleted oxygen supply to the dogs brain causing peculiar behaviour such as heavy drooling, apparent disorientation and the marked desire to lick electrical outlets.
However, there are exceptions - if a dog eats a a red tree frog it has be known for the frog to lodge permanently in the dogs oesophagus. This is relatively painless for the dog and the frog can live for many years simply surviving on scraps of food that pass it on the way to the dogs stomach.
In South America, many wild dogs develop a strange bark due to the amphibian lodged in their digestive tract. For many years tribes people believed that these dogs had been possessed by an evil spirit and widespread fear of these croaking dogs was commonplace.
Occasionally a frog will grow sufficiently large as to restrict a dogs airway, this tragic occurrence usually results in a depleted oxygen supply to the dogs brain causing peculiar behaviour such as heavy drooling, apparent disorientation and the marked desire to lick electrical outlets.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Who invented the slinky spring?
The slinky was actually invented by accident by Dr. Francis Crick (of Watson and Crick fame).
While conducting an early study of DNA, Crick attempted to make a model of the molecule's structure using lab grade aluminium wire. The first model was made too narrow to allow the second helix to be inserted correctly so it was discarded. The lab technician working that day took the coil of wire out with the other rubbish but dropped it whilst walking down the stairs. To his surprise, the spring began to walk down the stairs of It's own accord! He called Dr. Crick who then came to observe the phenomena and they both had a good laugh at the delightful behaviour of the spring. Originally Crick wanted the spring to be known as the 'Crick curve' but he decided it was better to tie his name to DNA so instead he named it after the lab technicians cat, 'Slinky'.
While conducting an early study of DNA, Crick attempted to make a model of the molecule's structure using lab grade aluminium wire. The first model was made too narrow to allow the second helix to be inserted correctly so it was discarded. The lab technician working that day took the coil of wire out with the other rubbish but dropped it whilst walking down the stairs. To his surprise, the spring began to walk down the stairs of It's own accord! He called Dr. Crick who then came to observe the phenomena and they both had a good laugh at the delightful behaviour of the spring. Originally Crick wanted the spring to be known as the 'Crick curve' but he decided it was better to tie his name to DNA so instead he named it after the lab technicians cat, 'Slinky'.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Is it a good idea to dress as a Nazi?
[dwwae was sent this question by Jonty Toff from the Bullingdon club.]
No, not at all. Nobody likes a Nazi.
It is singularly a very very bad idea you idiot.
For further conformation please see one of your cousins in action:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-11609438
and how could we forget:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/4170083.stm
No. No. No.
No, not at all. Nobody likes a Nazi.
It is singularly a very very bad idea you idiot.
For further conformation please see one of your cousins in action:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-11609438
and how could we forget:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/4170083.stm
No. No. No.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Does the expression, 'Pro Bono' have something to do with U2?
This is a common misconception based on a misprint in the original sleeve of the Joshua Tree album by U2.
'Pro Bono' is actually a shortening of 'Pro Bono Publico' - a Latin expression meaning, 'for the public good'.
Many people wrongly assume the expression to mean 'in favour of Bono' - although this is incorrect, the statement is a perfect demonstration of a Latinate or classical tautology.
As his oft quoted mother once said, 'no one actually likes Bono, not even me!'.
'Pro Bono' is actually a shortening of 'Pro Bono Publico' - a Latin expression meaning, 'for the public good'.
Many people wrongly assume the expression to mean 'in favour of Bono' - although this is incorrect, the statement is a perfect demonstration of a Latinate or classical tautology.
As his oft quoted mother once said, 'no one actually likes Bono, not even me!'.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Why was the cricket bat originally invented?
[This question was sent to dwwae by Mr. J. Wilne of Surrey, U.K.]
The cricket bat was indeed invented many year prior to the invention of the game itself. Experts are divided between two main schools of thought on this topic.
The first view is that the cricket bat is derived from the French culinary tool, the 'croquette' bat. Used widely in rural France to pulverise ingredients (most commonly potato) and then roll them in to the familiar roll shape often found served today.
The second school believes that the cricket bat is the name of the actual bat used in the killing of crickets and other insects found in long grasses across the world for millennia. A 1920's historical survey by J.P. Avery, shows that the occupation of 'pest batter' was widespread in eastern Europe and it is suggested that the 'cricket bat' is simply the tool used by these men to kill the insects.
The cricket bat was indeed invented many year prior to the invention of the game itself. Experts are divided between two main schools of thought on this topic.
The first view is that the cricket bat is derived from the French culinary tool, the 'croquette' bat. Used widely in rural France to pulverise ingredients (most commonly potato) and then roll them in to the familiar roll shape often found served today.
The second school believes that the cricket bat is the name of the actual bat used in the killing of crickets and other insects found in long grasses across the world for millennia. A 1920's historical survey by J.P. Avery, shows that the occupation of 'pest batter' was widespread in eastern Europe and it is suggested that the 'cricket bat' is simply the tool used by these men to kill the insects.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
EXPERT OPINION - JLS to record song for Children in Need.
In a bid to streamline services in the charity sector, JLS have been asked to record the song for this years Children in Need appeal. Under the governments new efficiency scheme, the band themselves will benefit directly from the sale of the record thus "cutting out the middle man". A spokesperson for dwwae suggested that the money raised could, 'make a real difference' and 'begin to develop a much needed sense of self worth amongst the band'.
dwwae will be keeping an eye on developments.
dwwae will be keeping an eye on developments.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Is a raccoon able to make omelettes?
This question was sent in by one of our readers.
dwwae has looked into this and discovered an 18th century account of a raccoon from France, known as 'Le petit chef' who worked in the court of Louis XIV at the palace of Versailles. Louis was known for his love of eggs and although there is no direct evidence it seems likely that 'Le petit chef' would have made him omelette's - one of his favourite dishes. His culinary renown spread amongst the aristocracy during the reign of 'Le roi solieil' (the sun king) and he was very much a minor celebrity in his day. Sadly his reputation was tarnished when he offended the King with a poor choice of desserts during an important banquet with Jean-Baptiste Colbert resulting in King ejecting him from the court. He lived for a year or two in abject poverty, disgraced, distressed and depressed. His career was however resurrected after a chance meeting with the writer Moliere who took him under his wing and allowed him to cook in exchange for board.
During his time spent in service of Moliere, he was credited with the invention of onion rings.
dwwae has looked into this and discovered an 18th century account of a raccoon from France, known as 'Le petit chef' who worked in the court of Louis XIV at the palace of Versailles. Louis was known for his love of eggs and although there is no direct evidence it seems likely that 'Le petit chef' would have made him omelette's - one of his favourite dishes. His culinary renown spread amongst the aristocracy during the reign of 'Le roi solieil' (the sun king) and he was very much a minor celebrity in his day. Sadly his reputation was tarnished when he offended the King with a poor choice of desserts during an important banquet with Jean-Baptiste Colbert resulting in King ejecting him from the court. He lived for a year or two in abject poverty, disgraced, distressed and depressed. His career was however resurrected after a chance meeting with the writer Moliere who took him under his wing and allowed him to cook in exchange for board.
During his time spent in service of Moliere, he was credited with the invention of onion rings.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Why does David Cameron's baby sleep in a cardboard box?
A clue to the answer is in the Prime Ministers surname, Cameron. This name comes from the Scots Gaelic (incidentally meaning 'crooked-nose' but that's by the by).
Sleeping in a cardboard box is simply a tradition of the Cameron clan and I imagine that is the reason for its use here.
Many ancient Scottish clans uphold similar traditions - the MacDonald's of Keppoch use a traditional heather gathering basket for this purpose while the Halkerston's will use a feeding trough (often a ceremonial one not used by animals!).
There are other similar traditions across the clans, some including special sleeping arrangements for adults as well as newborns. Within the Haig clan, every third cousin must regularly sleep in the back of a horse drawn cart (these days, the modern equivalent is the back of a taxi).
It is rumoured but unconfirmed that grandparents in the modern day McKerrell clan regularly sleep in (unplugged!) chest freezers!
Sleeping in a cardboard box is simply a tradition of the Cameron clan and I imagine that is the reason for its use here.
Many ancient Scottish clans uphold similar traditions - the MacDonald's of Keppoch use a traditional heather gathering basket for this purpose while the Halkerston's will use a feeding trough (often a ceremonial one not used by animals!).
There are other similar traditions across the clans, some including special sleeping arrangements for adults as well as newborns. Within the Haig clan, every third cousin must regularly sleep in the back of a horse drawn cart (these days, the modern equivalent is the back of a taxi).
It is rumoured but unconfirmed that grandparents in the modern day McKerrell clan regularly sleep in (unplugged!) chest freezers!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Do birds have ears?
Birds have elective ears, which means they can have a set if they want them - but it's not compulsory.
Many pelicans took ears during the mid to late 1990s and the trend enjoyed a revival on the Yorke Peninsula during the summer of 2009.
Many pelicans took ears during the mid to late 1990s and the trend enjoyed a revival on the Yorke Peninsula during the summer of 2009.
Can cockatiels re-grow feathers?
Cockatiels will only re-grow feathers in the presence of other cockatiels. For optimum regrowth, the number is very specific: 17 must be present, and the birds must be loosely positioned in a circular shape (either in captivity or in the wild). Although re-growth is possible with other numbers, it is not desirable as it can lead to infections of the gland and claw.
Why can't parakeets eat chocolate?
A brief look at the evolution of parakeet gives us our answer.
Most birds arrived on the scene around 150 million years ago however parakeets were late developers and consequently they were something of a 'rush job'.
In order to make up for lost time the parakeet had to choose which adaptations it could take on board and which to leave behind to save time. (An eagle for example has pretty much all available adaptations, hence why it is known as 'Dat Nang' in Tibetan - roughly translates as 'boss of the sky').
One of the major adaptations the parakeet chose to leave out was the cocoa duct (known colloquially as the chocolate hole) which is most commonly found (in the U.K) in the duck family. It made this choice mainly because chocolate is less common in the tropical climates in which the parakeet originates from because it goes all melty too quickly so consequently the duct would be rarely useful.
Despite the popular myth, the parakeet can in fact eat chocolate if its beak is transplanted with that of a mallard. This procedure, though painful has about a 75% success rate and has in recent times become much more popular within the parakeet community due to certain high profile (celebrity if you will) parakeets having the operation done.
Most birds arrived on the scene around 150 million years ago however parakeets were late developers and consequently they were something of a 'rush job'.
In order to make up for lost time the parakeet had to choose which adaptations it could take on board and which to leave behind to save time. (An eagle for example has pretty much all available adaptations, hence why it is known as 'Dat Nang' in Tibetan - roughly translates as 'boss of the sky').
One of the major adaptations the parakeet chose to leave out was the cocoa duct (known colloquially as the chocolate hole) which is most commonly found (in the U.K) in the duck family. It made this choice mainly because chocolate is less common in the tropical climates in which the parakeet originates from because it goes all melty too quickly so consequently the duct would be rarely useful.
Despite the popular myth, the parakeet can in fact eat chocolate if its beak is transplanted with that of a mallard. This procedure, though painful has about a 75% success rate and has in recent times become much more popular within the parakeet community due to certain high profile (celebrity if you will) parakeets having the operation done.
Monday, September 20, 2010
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